The Critical Empowering Question For Parents
Every single parent knows that their children are copy-cats. In fact, they duplicate so frequently, and so perfectly, that they are virtually “copy machines”. They mimic what you say, the way in which you articulate it, and in those circumstances you say it. They emulate the way you move, how you behave, how you react to events, how you deal with other people, and near enough everything else you do.
But parents also understand that sometimes, we desire to teach them something, and they learn something different. For example, you’re intending to teach your children about gardening and how great it is to grow vegetables, but they learn to run off when they set eyes on a worm or a spider, creating a brand new life-long fear (or simple “extreme disgust”).
The challenge is obviously that children learn at an exceptional speed. They just don’t reliably learn that which you intend for them to learn. And it’s worse because occasionally you don’t appreciate (or don’t even think about) what you desire your child to learn.
But deciding what you want your child to learn is not important when you’re sitting alongside your son attempting to teach them something. Well, it is essential, but it’s evidently at the front of your mind. The crucial times are when you are not attempting to openly teach your child something, but they are going to find out something regardless. It’s at these times that you especially need to be tuned in to what your child is learning.
As an example, if you and your companion are at loggerheads about something, and one of you curses and runs off rather than dealing with the arguement sensibly and justly, what will your child learn? Well, the fundamental thing they’ll become skilled at is a new word, one that you don’t want them speaking in public! The subsequent thing they’re prone to learn is: “when in a dispute, run off rather than managing it.” Or something comparable that, in any case.
So being aware that your daughter is going to learn something in EACH AND EVERY situation they are in is vital. Choosing up front what you’d like them to find out is something else. And that’s the key reason why the most critical empowering question for parents is: what do I want my child to learn from this?
If you can keep a question like this at the front of your mind as much as possible, and above all where you are strongly demonstrative or reacting from routine, you’ll start to have an extraordinary capacity to have an effect on your child even more than you do already. You’ll be able to show them more of how you mean them to behave, in a style that’s more like you at your best, rather than you at your most horrible. You’ll be able to congruently say “do what I do AND what I say”, without distressing so much about your words and actions being aligned. You’ll be able to tell your child as they age why you behave like you do, realising that they’ll previously have had years of being near you as you act according to your morals and standards.
But… you will only be a success in doing this if you have a crucial state of mind that parents have to have, something that makes this empowering question valuable. Independently, the question is valuable, but it’s not the only thing you need to have.
Read part 2 of this article to find out what that attitude is…